CINESIAS
Thwarted affection mine, They treat you just like Heracles at a feast With cheats of dainties, O disappointing arms!
MYRRHINE
Raise up your head.
CINESIAS
There, that's everything at last.
MYRRHINE
Yes, all.
CINESIAS
Then run to my arms, you golden girl.
MYRRHINE
I'm loosening my girdle now. But you've not forgotten? You're not deceiving me about the Treaty?
CINESIAS
No, by my life, I'm not.
MYRRHINE
Why, you've no blanket.
CINESIAS
It's not the silly blanket's warmth but yours I want.
MYRRHINE
Never mind. You'll soon have both. I'll come straight back.
CINESIAS
The woman will choke me with her coverlets.
MYRRHINE
Get up a moment.
CINESIAS
I'm up high enough.
MYRRHINE
Would you like me to perfume you?
CINESIAS
By Apollo, no!
MYRRHINE
By Aphrodite, I'll do it anyway.
CINESIAS
Lord Zeus, may she soon use up all the myrrh.
MYRRHINE
Stretch out your hand. Take it and rub it in.
CINESIAS
Hmm, it's not as fragrant as might be; that is, Not before it's smeared. It doesn't smell of kisses.
MYRRHINE
How silly I am: I've brought you Rhodian scents.
CINESIAS
It's good enough, leave it, love.
MYRRHINE
You must be jesting.
CINESIAS
Plague rack the man who first compounded scent!
MYRRHINE
Here, take this flask.
CINESIAS
I've a far better one. Don't tease me, come here, and get nothing more.
MYRRHINE
I'm coming.... I'm just drawing off my shoes.... You're sure you will vote for Peace?
CINESIAS
I'll think about it. _She runs off._ I'm dead: the woman's worn me all away. She's gone and left me with an anguished pulse.
MEN
Baulked in your amorous delight How melancholy is your plight. With sympathy your case I view; For I am sure it's hard on you. What human being could sustain This unforeseen domestic strain, And not a single trace Of willing women in the place!
CINESIAS
O Zeus, what throbbing suffering!
MEN
She did it all, the harlot, she With her atrocious harlotry.
WOMEN
Nay, rather call her darling-sweet.
MEN
What, sweet? She's a rude, wicked thing.
CINESIAS
A wicked thing, as I repeat. O Zeus, O Zeus, Canst Thou not suddenly let loose Some twirling hurricane to tear Her flapping up along the air And drop her, when she's whirled around, Here to the ground Neatly impaled upon the stake That's ready upright for her sake. _He goes out._
_Enter_ SPARTAN HERALD.
_The_ MAGISTRATE _comes forward_.
HERALD
What here gabs the Senate an' the Prytanes? I've fetcht despatches for them.
MAGISTRATE
Are you a man Or a monstrosity?
HERALD
My scrimp-brained lad, I'm a herald, as ye see, who hae come frae Sparta Anent a Peace.
MAGISTRATE
Then why do you hide that lance That sticks out under your arms?
HERALD.
I've brought no lance.
MAGISTRATE
Then why do you turn aside and hold your cloak So far out from your body? Is your groin swollen With stress of travelling?
HERALD
By Castor, I'll swear The man is wud.
MAGISTRATE
Indeed, your cloak is wide, My rascal fellow.
HERALD
But I tell ye No! Enow o' fleering!
MAGISTRATE
Well, what is it then?
HERALD
It's my despatch cane.
MAGISTRATE
Of course--a Spartan cane! But speak right out. I know all this too well. Are new privations springing up in Sparta?
HERALD
Och, hard as could be: in lofty lusty columns Our allies stand united. We maun get Pellene.
MAGISTRATE
Whence has this evil come? Is it from Pan?
HERALD
No. Lampito first ran asklent, then the others Sprinted after her example, and blocked, the hizzies, Their wames unskaithed against our every fleech.
MAGISTRATE
What did you do?
HERALD
We are broken, and bent double, Limp like men carrying lanthorns in great winds About the city. They winna let us even Wi' lightest neif skim their primsie pretties Till we've concluded Peace-terms wi' a' Hellas.
MAGISTRATE
So the conspiracy is universal; This proves it. Then return to Sparta. Bid them Send envoys with full powers to treat of Peace; And I will urge the Senate here to choose Plenipotentiary ambassadors, As argument adducing this connection.
HERALD
I'm off. Your wisdom none could contravert. _They retire._
MEN
There is no beast, no rush of fire, like woman so untamed. She calmly goes her way where even panthers would be shamed.
WOMEN
And yet you are fool enough, it seems, to dare to war with me, When for your faithful ally you might win me easily.
MEN
Never could the hate I feel for womankind grow less.
WOMEN
Then have your will. But I'll take pity on your nakedness. For I can see just how ridiculous you look, and so Will help you with your tunic if close up I now may go.
MEN
Well, that, by Zeus, is no scoundrel-deed, I frankly will admit. I only took them off myself in a scoundrel raging-fit.
WOMEN
Now you look sensible, and that you're men no one could doubt. If you were but good friends again, I'd take the insect out That hurts your eye.
MEN
Is that what's wrong? That nasty bitie thing. Please squeeze it out, and show me what it is that makes this sting. It's been paining me a long while now.
WOMEN
Well I'll agree to that, Although you're most unmannerly. O what a giant gnat. Here, look! It comes from marshy Tricorysus, I can tell.
MEN
O thank you. It was digging out a veritable well. Now that it's gone, I can't hold back my tears. See how they fall.
WOMEN
I'll wipe them off, bad as you are, and kiss you after all.
MEN
I won't be kissed.
WOMEN
O yes, you will. Your wishes do not matter.
MEN
O botheration take you all! How you cajole and flatter. A hell it is to live with you; to live without, a hell: How truly was that said. But come, these enmities let's quell. You stop from giving orders and I'll stop from doing wrong. So let's join ranks and seal our bargain with a choric song.
CHORUS.
Athenians, it's not our intention To sow political dissension By giving any scandal mention; But on the contrary to promote good feeling in the state By word and deed. We've had enough calamities of late. So let a man or woman but divulge They need a trifle, say, Two minas, three or four, I've purses here that bulge. There's only one condition made (Indulge my whim in this I pray)-- When Peace is signed once more, On no account am I to be repaid.
And I'm making preparation For a gay select collation With some youths of reputation. I've managed to produce some soup and they're slaughtering for me A sucking-pig: its flesh should taste as tender as could be. I shall expect you at my house today. To the baths make an early visit, And bring your children along; Don't dawdle on the way. Ask no one; enter as if the place Was all your own--yours henceforth is it. If nothing chances wrong, The door will then be shut bang in your face.
_The_ SPARTAN AMBASSADORS _approach_.
CHORUS
Here come the Spartan envoys with long, worried beards. Hail, Spartans how do you fare? Did anything new arise?
SPARTANS
No need for a clutter o' words. Do ye see our condition?
CHORUS
The situation swells to greater tension. Something will explode soon.
SPARTANS
It's awfu' truly. But come, let us wi' the best speed we may Scribble a Peace.
CHORUS
I notice that our men Like wrestlers poised for contest, hold their clothes Out from their bellies. An athlete's malady! Since exercise alone can bring relief.
ATHENIANS
Can anyone tell us where Lysistrata is? There is no need to describe our men's condition, It shows up plainly enough.
CHORUS
It's the same disease. Do you feel a jerking throbbing in the morning?
ATHENIANS
By Zeus, yes! In these straits, I'm racked all through. Unless Peace is soon declared, we shall be driven In the void of women to try Cleisthenes.
CHORUS
Be wise and cover those things with your tunics. Who knows what kind of person may perceive you?
ATHENIANS
By Zeus, you're right.
SPARTANS
By the Twa Goddesses, Indeed ye are. Let's put our tunics on.
ATHENIANS
Hail O my fellow-sufferers, hail Spartans.
SPARTANS
O hinnie darling, what a waefu' thing! If they had seen us wi' our lunging waddies!
ATHENIANS
Tell us then, Spartans, what has brought you here?
SPARTANS
We come to treat o' Peace.
ATHENIANS
Well spoken there! And we the same. Let us callout Lysistrata Since she alone can settle the Peace-terms.
SPARTANS
Callout Lysistratus too if ye don't mind.
CHORUS
No indeed. She hears your voices and she comes.
_Enter LYSISTRATA_
Hail, Wonder of all women! Now you must be in turn Hard, shifting, clear, deceitful, noble, crafty, sweet, and stern. The foremost men of Hellas, smitten by your fascination, Have brought their tangled quarrels here for your sole arbitration.
LYSISTRATA
An easy task if the love's raging home-sickness Doesn't start trying out how well each other Will serve instead of us. But I'll know at once If they do. O where's that girl, Reconciliation? Bring first before me the Spartan delegates, And see you lift no rude or violent hands-- None of the churlish ways our husbands used. But lead them courteously, as women should. And if they grudge fingers, guide them by other methods, And introduce them with ready tact. The Athenians Draw by whatever offers you a grip. Now, Spartans, stay here facing me. Here you, Athenians. Both hearken to my words. I am a woman, but I'm not a fool. And what of natural intelligence I own Has been filled out with the remembered precepts My father and the city-elders taught me. First I reproach you both sides equally That when at Pylae and Olympia, At Pytho and the many other shrines That I could name, you sprinkle from one cup The altars common to all Hellenes, yet You wrack Hellenic cities, bloody Hellas With deaths of her own sons, while yonder clangs The gathering menace of barbarians.