LYSISTRATA
If he brushes me with a finger, by Artemis, The public menial, he'll be sorry for it.
MAGISTRATE
Are you afraid? Grab her about the middle. Two of you then, lay hands on her and end it.
CALONICE
By Pandrosos I if your hand touches her I'll spread you out and trample on your guts.
MAGISTRATE
My guts! Where is the other archer gone? Bind that minx there who talks so prettily.
MYRRHINE
By Phosphor, if your hand moves out her way You'd better have a surgeon somewhere handy.
MAGISTRATE
You too! Where is that archer? Take that woman. I'll put a stop to these surprise-parties.
STRATYLLIS
By the Tauric Artemis, one inch nearer My fingers, and it's a bald man that'll be yelling.
MAGISTRATE
Tut tut, what's here? Deserted by my archers.... But surely women never can defeat us; Close up your ranks, my Scythians. Forward at them.
LYSISTRATA
By the Goddesses, you'll find that here await you Four companies of most pugnacious women Armed cap-a-pie from the topmost louring curl To the lowest angry dimple.
MAGISTRATE
On, Scythians, bind them.
LYSISTRATA
On, gallant allies of our high design, Vendors of grain-eggs-pulse-and-vegetables, Ye garlic-tavern-keepers of bakeries, Strike, batter, knock, hit, slap, and scratch our foes, Be finely imprudent, say what you think of them.... Enough! retire and do not rob the dead.
MAGISTRATE
How basely did my archer-force come off.
LYSISTRATA
Ah, ha, you thought it was a herd of slaves You had to tackle, and you didn't guess The thirst for glory ardent in our blood.
MAGISTRATE
By Apollo, I know well the thirst that heats you-- Especially when a wine-skin's close.
MEN
You waste your breath, dear magistrate, I fear, in answering back. What's the good of argument with such a rampageous pack? Remember how they washed us down (these very clothes I wore) With water that looked nasty and that smelt so even more.
WOMEN
What else to do, since you advanced too dangerously nigh. If you should do the same again, I'll punch you in the eye. Though I'm a stay-at-home and most a quiet life enjoy, Polite to all and every (for I'm naturally coy), Still if you wake a wasps' nest then of wasps you must beware.
MEN
How may this ferocity be tamed? It grows too great to bear. Let us question them and find if they'll perchance declare The reason why they strangely dare To seize on Cranaos' citadel, This eyrie inaccessible, This shrine above the precipice, The Acropolis. Probe them and find what they mean with this idle talk; listen, but watch they don't try to deceive. You'd be neglecting your duty most certainly if now this mystery unplumbed you leave.
MAGISTRATE
Women there! Tell what I ask you, directly.... Come, without rambling, I wish you to state What's your rebellious intention in barring up thus on our noses our own temple-gate.
LYSISTRATA
To take first the treasury out of your management, and so stop the war through the absence of gold.
MAGISTRATE
Is gold then the cause of the war?
LYSISTRATA
Yes, gold caused it and miseries more, too many to be told. 'Twas for money, and money alone, that Pisander with all of the army of mob-agitators. Raised up revolutions. But, as for the future, it won't be worth while to set up to be traitors. Not an obol they'll get as their loot, not an obol! while we have the treasure-chest in our command.
MAGISTRATE
What then is that you propose?
LYSISTRATA
Just this--merely to take the exchequer henceforth in hand.
MAGISTRATE
The exchequer!
LYSISTRATA
Yes, why not? Of our capabilities you have had various clear evidences. Firstly remember we have always administered soundly the budget of all home-expenses.
MAGISTRATE
But this matter's different.
LYSISTRATA
How is it different?
MAGISTRATE
Why, it deals chiefly with war-time supplies.
LYSISTRATA
But we abolish war straight by our policy.
MAGISTRATE
What will you do if emergencies arise?
LYSISTRATA
Face them our own way.
MAGISTRATE
What _you_ will?
LYSISTRATA
Yes _we_ will!
MAGISTRATE
Then there's no help for it; we're all destroyed.
LYSISTRATA
No, willy-nilly you must be safeguarded.
MAGISTRATE
What madness is this?
LYSISTRATA
Why, it seems you're annoyed. It must be done, that's all.
MAGISTRATE
Such awful oppression never, O never in the past yet I bore.
LYSISTRATA
You must be saved, sirrah--that's all there is to it.
MAGISTRATE
If we don't want to be saved?
LYSISTRATA
All the more.
MAGISTRATE
Why do you women come prying and meddling in matters of state touching war-time and peace?
LYSISTRATA
That I will tell you.
MAGISTRATE
O tell me or quickly I'll--
LYSISTRATA
Hearken awhile and from threatening cease.
MAGISTRATE
I cannot, I cannot; it's growing too insolent.
WOMEN
Come on; you've far more than we have to dread.
MAGISTRATE
Stop from your croaking, old carrion-crow there.... Continue.
LYSISTRATA
Be calm then and I'll go ahead. All the long years when the hopeless war dragged along we, unassuming, forgotten in quiet, Endured without question, endured in our loneliness all your incessant child's antics and riot. Our lips we kept tied, though aching with silence, though well all the while in our silence we knew How wretchedly everything still was progressing by listening dumbly the day long to you. For always at home you continued discussing the war and its politics loudly, and we Sometimes would ask you, our hearts deep with sorrowing though we spoke lightly, though happy to see, "What's to be inscribed on the side of the Treaty-stone What, dear, was said in the Assembly today?" "Mind your own business," he'd answer me growlingly "hold your tongue, woman, or else go away." And so I would hold it.
WOMEN
I'd not be silent for any man living on earth, no, not I!
MAGISTRATE
Not for a staff?
LYSISTRATA
Well, so I did nothing but sit in the house, feeling dreary, and sigh, While ever arrived some fresh tale of decisions more foolish by far and presaging disaster. Then I would say to him, "O my dear husband, why still do they rush on destruction the faster?" At which he would look at me sideways, exclaiming, "Keep for your web and your shuttle your care, Or for some hours hence your cheeks will be sore and hot; leave this alone, war is Man's sole affair!"
MAGISTRATE
By Zeus, but a man of fine sense, he.
LYSISTRATA
How sensible? You dotard, because he at no time had lent His intractable ears to absorb from our counsel one temperate word of advice, kindly meant? But when at the last in the streets we heard shouted (everywhere ringing the ominous cry) "Is there no one to help us, no saviour in Athens?" and, "No, there is no one," come back in reply. At once a convention of all wives through Hellas here for a serious purpose was held, To determine how husbands might yet back to wisdom despite their reluctance in time be compelled. Why then delay any longer? It's settled. For the future you'll take up our old occupation. Now in turn you're to hold tongue, as we did, and listen while we show the way to recover the nation.
MAGISTRATE
_You_ talk to _us!_ Why, you're mad. I'll not stand it.
LYSISTRATA
Cease babbling, you fool; till I end, hold your tongue.
MAGISTRATE
If I should take orders from one who wears veils, may my neck straightaway be deservedly wrung.
LYSISTRATA
O if that keeps pestering you, I've a veil here for your hair, I'll fit you out in everything As is only fair.
CALONICE
Here's a spindle that will do.
MYRRHINE
I'll add a wool-basket too.
LYSISTRATA
Girdled now sit humbly at home, Munching beans, while you card wool and comb. For war from now on is the Women's affair.
WOMEN.
Come then, down pitchers, all, And on, courageous of heart, In our comradely venture Each taking her due part.
I could dance, dance, dance, and be fresher after, I could dance away numberless suns, To no weariness let my knees bend. Earth I could brave with laughter, Having such wonderful girls here to friend. O the daring, the gracious, the beautiful ones! Their courage unswerving and witty Will rescue our city.
O sprung from the seed of most valiant-wombed grand-mothers, scions of savage and dangerous nettles! Prepare for the battle, all. Gird up your angers. Our way the wind of sweet victory settles.
LYSISTRATA
O tender Eros and Lady of Cyprus, some flush of beauty I pray you devise To flash on our bosoms and, O Aphrodite, rosily gleam on our valorous thighs! Joy will raise up its head through the legions warring and all of the far-serried ranks of mad-love Bristle the earth to the pillared horizon, pointing in vain to the heavens above. I think that perhaps then they'll give us our title-- Peace-makers.
MAGISTRATE
What do you mean? Please explain.
LYSISTRATA
First, we'll not see you now flourishing arms about into the Marketing-place clang again.
WOMEN No, by the Paphian.
LYSISTRATA
Still I can conjure them as past were the herbs stand or crockery's sold Like Corybants jingling (poor sots) fully armoured, they noisily round on their promenade strolled.
MAGISTRATE
And rightly; that's discipline, they--
LYSISTRATA
But what's sillier than to go on an errand of buying a fish Carrying along an immense. Gorgon-buckler instead the usual platter or dish? A phylarch I lately saw, mounted on horse-back, dressed for the part with long ringlets and all, Stow in his helmet the omelet bought steaming from an old woman who kept a food-stall. Nearby a soldier, a Thracian, was shaking wildly his spear like Tereus in the play, To frighten a fig-girl while unseen the ruffian filched from her fruit-trays the ripest away.