I can’t tell how, or why, or what suspicion Could enter into Don Alfonso’s head; But for a cavalier of his condition It surely was exceedingly ill-bred, Without a word of previous admonition, To hold a levee round his lady’s bed, And summon lackeys, arm’d with fire and sword, To prove himself the thing he most abhorr’d.
Poor Donna Julia, starting as from sleep (Mind—that I do not say—she had not slept), Began at once to scream, and yawn, and weep; Her maid Antonia, who was an adept, Contrived to fling the bed-clothes in a heap, As if she had just now from out them crept: I can’t tell why she should take all this trouble To prove her mistress had been sleeping double.
But Julia mistress, and Antonia maid, Appear’d like two poor harmless women, who Of goblins, but still more of men afraid, Had thought one man might be deterr’d by two, And therefore side by side were gently laid, Until the hours of absence should run through, And truant husband should return, and say, ‘My dear, I was the first who came away.’
Now Julia found at length a voice, and cried, ‘In heaven’s name, Don Alfonso, what d’ ye mean? Has madness seized you? would that I had died Ere such a monster’s victim I had been! What may this midnight violence betide, A sudden fit of drunkenness or spleen? Dare you suspect me, whom the thought would kill? Search, then, the room!’—Alfonso said, ‘I will.’
He search’d, they search’d, and rummaged everywhere, Closet and clothes’ press, chest and window-seat, And found much linen, lace, and several pair Of stockings, slippers, brushes, combs, complete, With other articles of ladies fair, To keep them beautiful, or leave them neat: Arras they prick’d and curtains with their swords, And wounded several shutters, and some boards.
Under the bed they search’d, and there they found— No matter what—it was not that they sought; They open’d windows, gazing if the ground Had signs or footmarks, but the earth said nought; And then they stared each other’s faces round: ’Tis odd, not one of all these seekers thought, And seems to me almost a sort of blunder, Of looking in the bed as well as under.
During this inquisition, Julia’s tongue Was not asleep—‘Yes, search and search,’ she cried, ‘Insult on insult heap, and wrong on wrong! It was for this that I became a bride! For this in silence I have suffer’d long A husband like Alfonso at my side; But now I’ll bear no more, nor here remain, If there be law or lawyers in all Spain.
‘Yes, Don Alfonso! husband now no more, If ever you indeed deserved the name, Is ’t worthy of your years?—you have threescore— Fifty, or sixty, it is all the same— Is ’t wise or fitting, causeless to explore For facts against a virtuous woman’s fame? Ungrateful, perjured, barbarous Don Alfonso, How dare you think your lady would go on so?
‘Is it for this I have disdain’d to hold The common privileges of my sex? That I have chosen a confessor so old And deaf, that any other it would vex, And never once he has had cause to scold, But found my very innocence perplex So much, he always doubted I was married— How sorry you will be when I’ve miscarried!
‘Was it for this that no Cortejo e’er I yet have chosen from out the youth of Seville? Is it for this I scarce went anywhere, Except to bull-fights, mass, play, rout, and revel? Is it for this, whate’er my suitors were, I favor’d none—nay, was almost uncivil? Is it for this that General Count O’Reilly, Who took Algiers, declares I used him vilely?
‘Did not the Italian Musico Cazzani Sing at my heart six months at least in vain? Did not his countryman, Count Corniani, Call me the only virtuous wife in Spain? Were there not also Russians, English, many? The Count Strongstroganoff I put in pain, And Lord Mount Coffeehouse, the Irish peer, Who kill’d himself for love (with wine) last year.
‘Have I not had two bishops at my feet, The Duke of Ichar, and Don Fernan Nunez? And is it thus a faithful wife you treat? I wonder in what quarter now the moon is: I praise your vast forbearance not to beat Me also, since the time so opportune is— O, valiant man! with sword drawn and cock’d trigger, Now, tell me, don’t you cut a pretty figure?
‘Was it for this you took your sudden journey. Under pretence of business indispensable With that sublime of rascals your attorney, Whom I see standing there, and looking sensible Of having play’d the fool? though both I spurn, he Deserves the worst, his conduct ’s less defensible, Because, no doubt, ’twas for his dirty fee, And not from any love to you nor me.
‘If he comes here to take a deposition, By all means let the gentleman proceed; You’ve made the apartment in a fit condition: There’s pen and ink for you, sir, when you need— Let every thing be noted with precision, I would not you for nothing should be fee’d— But, as my maid ’s undrest, pray turn your spies out.’ ‘Oh!’ sobb’d Antonia, ‘I could tear their eyes out.’
‘There is the closet, there the toilet, there The antechamber—search them under, over; There is the sofa, there the great arm-chair, The chimney—which would really hold a lover. I wish to sleep, and beg you will take care And make no further noise, till you discover The secret cavern of this lurking treasure— And when ’tis found, let me, too, have that pleasure.
‘And now, Hidalgo! now that you have thrown Doubt upon me, confusion over all, Pray have the courtesy to make it known Who is the man you search for? how d’ ye cal Him? what ’s his lineage? let him but be shown— I hope he ’s young and handsome—is he tall? Tell me—and be assured, that since you stain My honour thus, it shall not be in vain.
‘At least, perhaps, he has not sixty years, At that age he would be too old for slaughter, Or for so young a husband’s jealous fears (Antonia! let me have a glass of water). I am ashamed of having shed these tears, They are unworthy of my father’s daughter; My mother dream’d not in my natal hour That I should fall into a monster’s power.
‘Perhaps ’tis of Antonia you are jealous, You saw that she was sleeping by my side When you broke in upon us with your fellows: Look where you please—we’ve nothing, sir, to hide; Only another time, I trust, you’ll tell us, Or for the sake of decency abide A moment at the door, that we may be Drest to receive so much good company.
‘And now, sir, I have done, and say no more; The little I have said may serve to show The guileless heart in silence may grieve o’er The wrongs to whose exposure it is slow: I leave you to your conscience as before, ’Twill one day ask you why you used me so? God grant you feel not then the bitterest grief!— Antonia! where’s my pocket-handkerchief?’
She ceased, and turn’d upon her pillow; pale She lay, her dark eyes flashing through their tears, Like skies that rain and lighten; as a veil, Waved and o’ershading her wan cheek, appears Her streaming hair; the black curls strive, but fail, To hide the glossy shoulder, which uprears Its snow through all;—her soft lips lie apart, And louder than her breathing beats her heart.
The Senhor Don Alfonso stood confused; Antonia bustled round the ransack’d room, And, turning up her nose, with looks abused Her master and his myrmidons, of whom Not one, except the attorney, was amused; He, like Achates, faithful to the tomb, So there were quarrels, cared not for the cause, Knowing they must be settled by the laws.
With prying snub-nose, and small eyes, he stood, Following Antonia’s motions here and there, With much suspicion in his attitude; For reputations he had little care; So that a suit or action were made good, Small pity had he for the young and fair, And ne’er believed in negatives, till these Were proved by competent false witnesses.
But Don Alfonso stood with downcast looks, And, truth to say, he made a foolish figure; When, after searching in five hundred nooks, And treating a young wife with so much rigour, He gain’d no point, except some self-rebukes, Added to those his lady with such vigour Had pour’d upon him for the last half-hour, Quick, thick, and heavy—as a thunder-shower.
At first he tried to hammer an excuse, To which the sole reply was tears and sobs, And indications of hysterics, whose Prologue is always certain throes, and throbs, Gasps, and whatever else the owners choose: Alfonso saw his wife, and thought of Job’s; He saw too, in perspective, her relations, And then he tried to muster all his patience.
He stood in act to speak, or rather stammer, But sage Antonia cut him short before The anvil of his speech received the hammer, With ‘Pray, sir, leave the room, and say no more, Or madam dies.’—Alfonso mutter’d, ‘D—n her,’ But nothing else, the time of words was o’er; He cast a rueful look or two, and did, He knew not wherefore, that which he was bid.
With him retired his ‘posse comitatus,’ The attorney last, who linger’d near the door Reluctantly, still tarrying there as late as Antonia let him—not a little sore At this most strange and unexplain’d ‘hiatus’ In Don Alfonso’s facts, which just now wore An awkward look; as he revolved the case, The door was fasten’d in his legal face.