As we have leisure enough upon our hands——if you give me leave, madam, I’ll tell you the ninth tale of his tenth decad.
S L A W K E N B E R G I I
F A B E L L A[8]
_VESPERA quâdam frigidula, posteriori in parte mensis_ Augusti, _peregrinus, mulo fusco colore incidens, manticâ a tergo, paucis indusiis, binis calceis, braccisque sericis coccineis repleta_, Argentoratum _ingressus est._
_Militi eum percontanti, quum portus intraret dixit, se apud Nasorum promontorium fuisse, Francofurtum proficisci, et Argentoratum, transitu ad fines Sarmatiæ mensis intervallo, reversurum._
_Miles peregrini in faciem suspexit——Di boni, nova forma nasi!_
_At multum mihi profuit, inquit peregrinus, carpum amento extrahens, e quo pependit acinaces: Loculo manum inseruit; et magna cum urbanitate, pilei parte anteriore tactâ manu sinistrâ, ut extendit dextram, militi florinum dedit et processit._
_Dolet mihi, ait miles, tympanistam nanum et valgum alloquens, virum adeo urbanum vaginam perdidisse: itinerari haud poterit nudâ acinaci; neque vaginam toto_ Argentorato, _habilem inveniet.——Nullam unquam habui, respondit peregrinus respiciens——seque comiter inclinans—hoc more gesto, nudam acinacem elevans, mulo lentò progrediente, ut nasum tueri possim._
_Non immerito, benigne peregrine, respondit miles._
_Nihili aestimo, ait ille tympanista, e pergamenâ factitius est._
_Prout christianus sum, inquit miles, nasus ille, ni sexties major fit, meo esset conformis._
_Crepitare audivi ait tympanista._
_Mehercule! sanguinem emisit, respondit miles._
_Miseret me, inquit tympanista, qui non ambo tetigimus!_
_Eodem temporis puncto, quo hæc res argumentata fuit inter militem et tympanistam, disceptabatur ibidem tubicine et uxore suâ qui tunc accesserunt, et peregrino prætereunte, restiterunt._
_Quantus nasus! æque longus est, ait tubicina, ac tuba._
_Et ex eodem metallo, ait tubicen, velut sternutamento audias._
_Tantum abest, respondit illa, quod fistulam dulcedine vincit._
_Æneus est, ait tubicen._
_Nequaquam, respondit uxor._
_Rursum affirmo, ait tubicen, quod æneus est._
_Rem penitus explorabo; prius, enim digito tangam, ait uxor, quam dormivero._
_Mulus peregrini gradu lento progressus est, ut unumquodque verbum controversiæ, non tantum inter militem et tympanistam, verum etiam inter tubicinem et uxorum ejus, audiret._
_Nequaquam, ait ille, in muli collum fræna demittens, et manibus ambabus in pectus positis, (mulo lentè progrediente) nequaquam, ait ille respiciens, non necesse est ut res isthæc dilucidata foret. Minime gentium! meus nasus nunquam tangetur, dum spiritus hos reget artus—Ad quid agendum? air uxor burgomagistri._
_Peregrinus illi non respondit. Votum faciebat tunc temporis sancto Nicolao; quo facto, sinum dextrum inserens, e quâ negligenter pependit acinaces, lento gradu processit per plateam Argentorati latam quæ ad diversorium templo ex adversum ducit._
_Peregrinus mulo descendens stabulo includi, et manticam inferri jussit: quâ apertâ et coccineis sericis femoralibus extractis cum argento laciniato_ Περιζομαυτε, _his sese induit, statimque, acinaci in manu, ad forum deambulavit._
_Quod ubi peregrinus esset ingressus, uxorem tubicinis obviam euntem aspicit; illico cursum flectit, metuens ne nasus suus exploraretur, atque ad diversorium regressus est—exuit se vestibus; braccas coccineas sericas manticæ imposuit mulumque educi jussit._
_Francofurtum proficiscor, ait ille, et Argentoratum quatuor abhinc hebdomadis revertar._
_Bene curasti hoc jumentam? (ait) muli faciem manu demulcens—me, manticamque meam, plus sexcentis mille passibus portavit._
_Longa via est! respondet hospes, nisi plurimum esset negoti.—Enimvero, ait peregrinus, a Nasorum promontorio redii, et nasum speciosissimum, egregiosissimumque quem unquam quisquam sortitus est, acquisivi?_
_Dum peregrinus hanc miram rationem de seipso reddit, hospes et uxor ejus, oculis intentis, peregrini nasum contemplantur——Per sanctos sanctasque omnes, ait hospitis uxor, nasis duodecim maximis in toto Argentorato major est!—estne, ait illa mariti in aurem insusurrans, nonne est nasus prægrandis?_
_Dolus inest, anime mi, ait hospes—nasus est falsus._
_Verus est, respondit uxor——_
_Ex abiete factus est, ait ille, terebinthinum olet—_
_Carbunculus inest, ait uxor._
_Mortuus est nasus, respondit hospes._
_Vivus est ait illa,—et si ipsa vivam tangam._
_Votum feci sancto Nicolao, ait peregrinus, nasum meum intactum fore usque ad—Quodnam tempus? illico respondit illa._
_Minimo tangetur, inquit ille (manibus in pectus compositis) usque ad illam horam——Quam horam? ait illa——Nullam, respondit peregrinus, donec pervenio ad—Quem locum,—obsecro? ait illa——Peregrinus nil respondens mulo conscenso discessit._
S L A W K E N B E R G I U S’s
T A L E
IT was one cool refreshing evening, at the close of a very sultry day, in the latter end of the month of _August_, when a stranger, mounted upon a dark mule, with a small cloak-bag behind him, containing a few shirts, a pair of shoes, and a crimson-sattin pair of breeches, entered the town of _Strasburg._
He told the centinel, who questioned him as he entered the gates, that he had been at the Promontory of NOSES—was going on to _Frankfort_——and should be back again at _Strasburg_ that day month, in his way to the borders of _Crim Tartary._
The centinel looked up into the stranger’s face——he never saw such a Nose in his life!
—I have made a very good venture of it, quoth the stranger—so slipping his wrist out of the loop of a black ribbon, to which a short scymetar was hung, he put his hand into his pocket, and with great courtesy touching the fore part of his cap with his left hand, as he extended his right——he put a florin into the centinel’s hand, and passed on.
It grieves, me, said the centinel, speaking to a little dwarfish bandy- legg’d drummer, that so courteous a soul should have lost his scabbard——he cannot travel without one to his scymetar, and will not be able to get a scabbard to fit it in all _Strasburg._——I never had one, replied the stranger, looking back to the centinel, and putting his hand up to his cap as he spoke——I carry it, continued he, thus——holding up his naked scymetar, his mule moving on slowly all the time—on purpose to defend my nose.
It is well worth it, gentle stranger, replied the centinel.
——’Tis not worth a single stiver, said the bandy-legg’d drummer——’tis a nose of parchment.
As I am a true catholic—except that it is six times as big—’tis a nose, said the centinel, like my own.
—I heard it crackle, said the drummer.
By dunder, said the centinel, I saw it bleed.
What a pity, cried the bandy-legg’d drummer, we did not both touch it!
At the very time that this dispute was maintaining by the centinel and the drummer—was the same point debating betwixt a trumpeter and a trumpeter’s wife, who were just then coming up, and had stopped to see the stranger pass by.
_Benedicity!_——What a nose! ’tis as long, said the trumpeter’s wife, as a trumpet.
And of the same metal said the trumpeter, as you hear by its sneezing.
’Tis as soft as a flute, said she.
—’Tis brass, said the trumpeter.
—’Tis a pudding’s end, said his wife.
I tell thee again, said the trumpeter, ’tis a brazen nose,
I’ll know the bottom of it, said the trumpeter’s wife, for I will touch it with my finger before I sleep.
The stranger’s mule moved on at so slow a rate, that he heard every word of the dispute, not only betwixt the centinel and the drummer, but betwixt the trumpeter and trumpeter’s wife.
No! said he, dropping his reins upon his mule’s neck, and laying both his hands upon his breast, the one over the other in a saint-like position (his mule going on easily all the time) No! said he, looking up—I am not such a debtor to the world——slandered and disappointed as I have been—as to give it that conviction——no! said he, my nose shall never be touched whilst Heaven gives me strength——To do what? said a burgomaster’s wife.
The stranger took no notice of the burgomaster’s wife——he was making a vow to _Saint Nicolas_; which done, having uncrossed his arms with the same solemnity with which he crossed them, he took up the reins of his bridle with his left-hand, and putting his right hand into his bosom, with the scymetar hanging loosely to the wrist of it, he rode on, as slowly as one foot of the mule could follow another, thro’ the principal streets of _Strasburg_, till chance brought him to the great inn in the market-place over-against the church.
The moment the stranger alighted, he ordered his mule to be led into the stable, and his cloak-bag to be brought in; then opening, and taking out of it his crimson-sattin breeches, with a silver-fringed—(appendage to them, which I dare not translate)—he put his breeches, with his fringed cod-piece on, and forth-with, with his short scymetar in his hand, walked out to the grand parade.
The stranger had just taken three turns upon the parade, when he perceived the trumpeter’s wife at the opposite side of it—so turning short, in pain lest his nose should be attempted, he instantly went back to his inn—undressed himself, packed up his crimson-sattin breeches, &c. in his cloak- bag, and called for his mule.